I ended 2014 in the hospital…and 2015 started off a similar way. I must say that the great big piece of grey matter between my ears is a mysterious and complicated machine that seems to be more than a little bit off lately.
I am less than a patient guy, I like to see things in front of me and come up with the answers and the fact that the high speed internet connection that follows me around like a guide to all the information in the world has had me more than a little scared about what the cause of this now week old headache could be.
2 trips to the hospital and still no answers what so ever…in fact my visit to the emergency room yesterday was a complete waste of time, other than the resident doctor who saw me was able to get the ball rolling for further tests…I just don’t know when it will happen.
That internet connection that I spoke of has me all to frequently going to WebMD, Yahoo! Health and ZocDoc and this has done nothing to alleviate the fear and uncertainty that surrounds something that I can not control.
For me, pain is usually a way for me to remember that I am alive. I suffer from Psoriasis so constant pain is something that I understand all too well. In addition to that chronic medical issue, I have a blown out knee (that acts as barometer for any and all weather changes), and a decade ago I broke my back and this too flares up all to often.
To top things off, I have had more than my fair share of concussions and this issue is what causes me a great deal of fear into what is going on in my brain…even more so than the fear of Stroke, Aneurysm or Cancer. You see, I know that there is a chemical imbalance deep inside my mind…this has been an underlying issue in the destruction of relationships, loss of jobs and creator of my current set of circumstances…and if it is getting worse…what is going to be the next status for the 2nd half of my life?
I had big plans for this year, but right now that plan is on hold. I need to get the answers to what may be a battle that I am just not prepared to fight.
I will keep updating this particular post with more information…but lets just say…I am freaked out and feel more alone than ever before in my life.