I have decided to create a new category for Mondays. It used to be about Social Media but I am pulling away from the need and desire to be Social Media Whore so I am going to be spending Monday’s exploring the quirks and strangeness that makes Krispy, well Krispy. Looking deep inside myself and helping to transform into something better. I figured Manic Mondays is a good working title…start the Work Week just right and hey…the Bangles had a hit back in 1985 with that title!
For years I just figured that I was destined to be in a near constant state of being awake. It would not be uncommon for me to be awake, alert and for the most part functioning for days (72 hours without sleep was not uncommon in my first 40 years). The reality was, when I would get into one of my productivity binges I would do a lot of things that normally would not get done so not only did I think was normal, I looked forward to my times of insomnia…and then something happened.
With the changes happening in my life over the last 6 months I learned something about myself that I should have known all along but chose to ignore.
As Productive as I am during my fits of constant action, I am a complete and total ASSHOLE without sleep!
Yes that is right I swore but the truth is, it had to be done. The Anxiety and the constant mood swings alienated me at work (until I was no longer a benefit to the organization that I was a part of for 5 years) and I was cut out like a cancerous tumour. My home life suffered greatly from a wave of Depression that would over take me on a moments notice and I would yell, say mean things or just clam up and lock myself away driving a wedge between those that I should have cared most about. I pushed my wife and daughter further and further away until like my job, my wife of almost 16 years had had enough and put an exclamation point on our marriage and I soon found myself living in the basement…alone.
I have suffered losses in my life before and it hurt but the constant battering that I have taken in the past 8 months has left me punch drunk until I finally met my new best friend. No this is not going to turn into a post about how I now Love Myself or a description of a 20 something young co-ed that I may or may not have met…no this is about something far more basic than all of those things.
My new best friend is a constant and consistent 8 hours sleep per day. I now really try to focus on spending 1/3 of my day under the covers, cuddled up and engaging in a blissful and reinvigorating slumber. Do I achieve this everyday…no but for the most part, the past month I have been able to average 6.5 hours which is a significant increase from the past 10 years when 4 hours at a stretch (with the occasional 30 minute power nap) was all I would give myself.
I have really changed nothing else, I still drink far too much coffee, don’t eat well, smoke cigarettes and rarely exercise but stage one of my new beginning has started. So what will I be like 6 months from now? I really don’t know. I do know this, what I am today and what I am tomorrow are not likely to be the same.
Science is on my side on this though and the reality is, for years I was depriving my brain and my body from the ability to process and take control of the challenges that I had been facing during the day. When I wake up in the morning, I feel refreshed, full of energy and I am ready for what ever the day may bring which is strange because in the past, while I would be awake, even the practice of getting the words out on this blog were at times more than a little difficult but lately they flow from me like a therapeutic outlet…and this is good.
So, now that I have revealed more about me…it is time to get ready to really start my day and hop on the bus to work…the one thing about my work day that I don’t look forward to…but tomorrow I will be taking a bike to work…and that my friends will aid in the 2nd and 3rd parts of my transformation!