The past 2 weeks have been more than a bit of a challenge. I am now on day 18 with a splitting headache that varies between a cluster headache behind my right eye and a full migraine that has me praying for release. This week there was some progress towards finding out what is going on but I will have to wait 109 days to have the diagnosis and hopefully solution to the cause of my excruciating pain.
The worst of it is, I have 8 bottle of pills that I could be taking to provide me with relief but after a bout of seizures and then tremours I am leery of taking anything to provide me with relief which means I sit in the dark, doing as little as possible.
My only relief seems to be the quiet playing of Acoustic Blues in a constant loop.
This is the first time since the headache came on that I have even come close to feeling like myself enough to sit down and really think about this blog and the things that are going on, in a way that I can maybe have an outlet for the dizziness, vertigo and malaise that has me going to the very dark places that depression and anxiety tend to bring forward.
My Facebook Friends and Family have been very supportive in my daily posts of the frustration that I feel, but support (while important) is not what I need.
To top off the pain I have in my head, my 12 year battle with the skin disease Psoriasis has returned in the most uncomfortable way. This is likely the leading cause for my restless nights, as when I went to make my bed this morning and pulled back the sheets I noticed the scary amount of skin that had flaked off of me while I unconsciously itch while I am sleeping.
Yep, 42 years old and I am officially breaking down.
But despite all this, I am still looking forward to what this year will bring.
I have a great woman in my life that unfortunately for her I have been pushing away because when I am in pain, I tend to lack patience and tact and say things that I regret. I miss her something terrible, and long to just be close to her…my fear is what ever is going on with my health will be more than she is prepared to take on.
Then there is my little Scoobie, the light of my life. My daughter is coming home this weekend so I have something to look forward to (even if it will be a shortened visit because of the needs of my work).
I have prepped myself for about a dozen online courses for 2015 but because of the headaches I have been unable to concentrate long enough to sit through even a single lesson so far this year…but come hell or high water…I will make it through them, achieve the certifications that I have been lacking and with any luck will be able to really start over later this year!
Well, as much as I want to just stay here and let the words flow out of my fingertips…staring at the white screen before me is making it increasingly hard to stay upright, so I will say adieu for the day…with any luck things will start getting better soon!