Reflection in the Face of Adversity

The past 15 months have been more than a little challenging and my life has been filled with ups, downs and sideways twists.  As we close out 2014 I want to look back and reflect on the good and bad things that have happened in my life and really focus on how I can prepare to make 2015 a year to remember…not for the challenges but for the successes.

Don’t get me wrong, there were a lot of good things that happened to me, but for the most part, those good things were wrapped up in darkness and it was only through really looking for the good in it, was I able to come out the other side…whole.  The following is one of those sentences that no English teacher would ever say was ok…but you see…I just have to get it out.

You see, in the past 15 months I was asked to walk away from a company that I still to this day have strong connections to and if asked would go back without hesitation, I lost my Grandfather and my Stepfather within 3 weeks of each other to the insidious disease of Cancer,  got a new job that created even more tension and stress in my home life and directly led to the disillusion of my 16 year marriage, continued my own semi-private battle with mental illness, lived in my own basement for 4 months while looking to find a permanent place to hang my hat, grabbed on to the first low stress job I could find, found love and embrace it every chance I get, moved into a quaint 1 bedroom, watched as my mother fought her own 2nd battle with Cancer, saw my daughter move on and away from me, with only weekends to make me whole, went broke (and I mean broke) and filed for bankruptcy, lost 70+ lbs by walking EVERYWHERE but in the process got hit by 4 cars…and now, with the beginning of the end for this chapter in my life, and the end of 2014 just 31 days away…I wonder…am I better or worse for this past year?

I don’t think that I have been alone.  I don’t have a long list of friends, and most nights I sit at home alone but I am ok with that.  I would not have been good company this past year but I am in a much better place than I was just 1 year ago as I sat down and did my annual reflection.

I now realize that life really is like the soap bubble that I chose for the feature image of this post.  The world can be seen as a reflection in it…but its own life is fleeting and short.  It embraces its existence and in doing so, shares something with its observers…a reflected view of its own world around it before it pops and sends its parts out into the world around it.

Will 2015 be better than 2014 was…well I certainly hope so, but at the end of the day…what we make of each and ever day that we have…it is on each of us to make it as good of a day as possible.  Sure, there has been a lot of hardship for me in this past year but I also see these challenges all as warning signs that the bubble that was my life…could not sustain itself and the reflections that I was presenting to the world were not the blissful happiness that comes from blowing bubbles as a kid…but the muddled mind of someone who was just getting by.

I don’t want to just get by…not anymore.

I want to thrive in my new skin.  I want to excel in my new life.  I want to build a better tomorrow for those whom I care about!

I am the master of my own destiny.  I control the outcome of this grand life that I have.  I turn the pages in this Choose Your Own Adventure novel that is  my life.

What will 2015 look like?  I don’t know but I do say this…bring it on!!!

Cheers,

Krispy

Posted on December 1, 2014 in Family, Mental Health

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