For those who know me, I really like to do things on my own. Good bad or indifferent I am that type of person who is far more critical of my own abilities than anyone else but lately it has been a challenge to maintain the level of focus that allows me to truly be successful. I faltered, in fact I down right fell flat on my face. I thought that I could do it all. I worked twice as hard at work but that led me down a different path that while half my day is spent with my “Work Family” the other half is spent with my real family and I could not seem to find a balance.
I started to struggle on both sides of the equation, work was getting harder to just muscle through and home…well that was even worse as I started to insulate myself from them and crawled deeper and deeper into a shell that did not allow them to really see how much I was hurting.
I am taking a queue from one of Canada’s all time great athletes Clara Hughes who last week really put herself out there as an example of how despited challenges that go beyond physical…success is possible. February 8, 2012, in partnership with Bell Canada she led a national discussion called “Let’s Talk” about Mental Health. Bell Canada CEO George Cope is quoted “At least 1 in 5 Canadians will suffer from mental illness in their lifetimes, but the unfortunate reality is that most won’t seek treatment because of the continuing stigma around the disease. Bell Let’s Talk Day sends the message to those who struggle with mental illness that Canadians want to listen and we want to help,”
I may not have the international fame of a 5 Time Olympic Medalist or financial backing of one of Canada’s biggest Corporations but I can say this and for those who choose to hear me great.
I am no less a person because of who I am. What has made me and what has torn me down to be rebuilt is a much a part of who I am as it will be a part of who I will become. I look at the past 4 weeks and even before that and I see now that I left a path of destruction behind me.
I didn’t hear voices, and I didn’t want to hurt myself or others. I wasn’t depressed in the normal sense…sure I had days that kicked my butt but that is normal…I got through it. What I did feel is angry…all the time, I would get anxious at the drop of a hat, I could not take any criticism by anyone without turning into a ball of mush and the worst…I ignored my wife of 13 years and disconnected with my wonderful 12 year old daughter.
So back to the title…the Krispy 2.0 Experiment. I thought I could reinvent who I was. I thought I could do it all myself. I thought that nothing could stand in my way.
Krispy 2.0 is back on track…but in a different way. I have a plan. I have the support of a loving family, and understanding employer and a renewed vigor. It is not going to be easy, that I know but with the help of some new ways of coping with what is going on around me, being more flexible and accepting and by knowing that as right as I always am…I am not infallible.
I know that this is a bit of a stretch away from being the Tech Sales Guy but I share something with 6 1/2 Million Canadians…and many more around the world. If you need someone to talk to, to bend an ear or to help get you back on track if you have found someone who can help like I have…shoot me an email, leave a comment do what ever you need to. Nothing is so broken that it can’t be mended.
Cheers and have a great week.
Chris J Powell